Being Treated Special

When I got downstairs to the bathroom, I didn't feel ready to jump into the shower so I sat on the toilet to reflect that led to a good cry. What came up: my daughter is special to her grandparents. My mom thought I was to her mom but I wasn’t. Mom said that I got all the love from grandma so why would I need it from her. It was my grandpa who adored me. Grandma was shut down to love. I think grandma kept a war going between herself, her daughter and me because that was life for her.

What is important to realise is that being treated special builds a bond only if its love builds assurance and follow through with feeling secure in being true to oneself. What matters is that the child internalises this special treatment to mean that their presence is appreciated being alive, as well as significant in how this importance provides relief by being present. The light of the child, expressed in pure innocence, offers relief to the scarred heart if open to its presence.

But being treated special, to ease the conflicted conscience, doesn't build up the child; it only confuses the child by instilling it with insecurity.

A conflicted conscience (am I doing this right or am I not) comes from one's upbringing that was probably generated from the generation before. It is a way of suppression that gets normalised okay in its way of love. Anxiety fuels this context playing out as one's reality to love back.

If you are internally conflicted, you need to separate from the context and come into a relationship with your own light within, having the answer that is right for you to employ with yourself and your loved ones. If you question or fight against their way, your way is trying to come to light. Listen for it. And trust it if it feels right (be careful, because if you are attuned to their way, your way will come off unnerving). It takes time to become in tune with something more beneficial that takes you out of the status quo.

Be patient with yourself.